Sunday was my 28th birthday. Last year, I ate sushi and got drunk on Veuve Cliquot while watching movies with my ex. This year I spent my birthday eating a sandwich in the nudist section of the Bois de Vincennes. It had too much mayo, and I’m like 98% sure the park was just a cruising ground for old men.
This has been a weird trip. I’m not sure I was really ready to be out of my house this long, but I also kind of needed to be forcibly removed from Fredericksburg for a while.
I have done all the things I set out to do. I went to Champagne, I smoked a lot of cigarettes, and I’ve seen countless places and works of art that I’ve always dreamed of seeing. I’ve tried a lot of things I’ve always been curious about. I’ve spent a long time wondering what it would be like to live in a major city, or just around a lot of people in general, and now I know.
What I needed out of this was to be alone for a while and to learn to be with myself again, and I’ve gotten that. I feel a lot more capable and independent for having proven to myself that I can do it, and that I can do it in an unfamiliar place completely different from anything I’ve ever experienced.
There are so many things that I will miss when I go home: the bread is unparalleled, the public transit is incredible, and there’s just so much to experience on every street. It’s amazing to walk down such beautiful avenues every day just to run errands. The way Paris is designed to be so livable and aesthetically pleasing just blows me away, and I feel very lucky to have gotten to experience it. I never plan anything like meals or what store to go to, because I can just wander around and find whatever I need within three blocks of wherever I happen to be standing, and it will probably be in a gorgeous building that has existed long before anything in Fredericksburg. I feel like I’m only just now beginning to really settle in and get comfortable, and that I have so much left to do here.
I’ve learned that I really like the life I already have, though, and I will be happy to return to it with some of my many questions about what I want answered.
I will also be returning to it with a lot of artistic inspiration! I’ve started sketching again and building on some ideas for new collages once I’m home. I have a million pictures of textures and architectural details and street art to pull from. I feel like I’m finally getting back to a place where I can really look at the world around me again, and there is an overwhelming amount to take in here.
Today at the museum of architecture, I was thinking about how different it is to look at the casts of the details removed from their context. Seeing all the details of a cathedral together at once can be almost too much sometimes. Easy for things to get lost. I liked getting to pay more attention to the singular pieces for a change. It will be interesting to see how that carries over to looking at all the pictures I’ve taken here when I get home.
I’m excited to see what I do with all of this. I’m excited to see where I go from here. I spent all of the last year since signing up for this going, “I just have to get to Paris,” and now I’m here, and it’s ending, and I have no idea what is ahead. I am curious to see how this experience influences the way I see things at home. I have some ideas about what I will view differently or what will stand out to me more, but I wonder what else will become apparent in the months to come.
All my posts feel so fucking angsty but it’s my blog and I can say whatever I want! I already graduated.
Here are some photos:
